


First, Second, Third

by bradleymartin



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 15:55:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3698174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bradleymartin/pseuds/bradleymartin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Connor has kissed Jude three times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First, Second, Third

_First_.

The first time I kiss him, it’s without even thinking. We were talking like always, having fun like always. Then somehow the world changes. I’m pulled towards him like gravity, and I can’t think of anything as I get closer, closer, closer except that nothing has ever felt quite this normal. But his lips on mine are like an electric shock. Suddenly I’m not kissing Jude, but I’m kissing a _boy_. It feels different, wrong, and scary.

I wish I could pause time thirty seconds ago just before the kiss, when everything felt just exactly right. When I was just a person who wanted to kiss another person. Not a guy who wants to kiss another guy, which I guess isn’t normal or whatever. I mean, that’s what my dad says.

So when I pull away, I’m frozen. I liked it but I hated it. I like him but I can’t like him.

Right?

 

 

 _Second_.

“I don’t get this,” he says. “I don’t get _you_.”

There is it, again. The pull. This time it’s different. These last few weeks I’ve locked up everything and hoped that we just wouldn’t mention it again. But of course he mentions it again. He’s Jude and he’s everything that it feels so hard to be. He’s open and honest and god kissing Daria is nothing like kissing him. I barely kissed him that other time, but there’s always the echo of it. Not just in our friendship that just feels _off_ now. Not just that, but every second of every day. It’s always in my mind. He’s always in my mind.

This time I lean forward, but it isn’t thoughtlessly like last time. It’s a test, I guess — maybe even a grand experiment. Maybe this feeling of wanting him is all just an illusion in my brain. So I kiss him again. This time, there’s the same shock, but it doesn’t make me want to pull away. I press harder, but just barely. It’s still soft and nothing like kissing Daria.

When I pull back, I can barely breathe. Because I like it. Because I want it. Because I want him.

He doesn’t say anything and neither do I.

 

 

 _Third_.

My foot hurts like hell but at least Jude is next to me. He’s dulling the pain as well as that medicine is. We’ve watched some stupid show and I’ve barely paid attention because he’s next to me. It isn’t a distraction — it isn’t a wild urge or any sort of desperation. Not this time. Because my dad opened the door and there isn’t going to be anymore Daria.

The show is over, so I quietly turn off the TV. Neither of us have said anything for ages, because just having him here is enough. After another second, I turn towards him. He shifts just slightly closer to me, but suddenly my heart hammers.

This time, when I lean towards him, he leans in too. We kiss and for the first time it’s exactly right — both of us wanting to, both of us happy.

“Do you want to, like, be boyfriends?” I say, and just the word sounds magic, like something that should’ve been impossible.

He grins. “Yeah, of course.”


End file.
